A guide to using kindness to elevate your conference experience.
\nGet your sticker collections, backup batteries and ironic nerd mashup\nt-shirts ready, because it's tech conference season!
\nWe're gearing up for one of our favorite conferences of the year, and\nwe've been spending a lot of time discussing what it means to have an\namazing conference experience. We're incredibly stoked to see\nour favorite thought leaders, community gurus and internet celebs BLOW\nOUR MINDS with the new hotness and poignant epiphanies, but to\nproperly set expectations, that is not what this article is about.
\nIf you've got your ticket secured, you or your company\nhas invested in the opportunity to\ncreate shared experiences with strangers from all over the world who\nhappen to be passionate about the same things you are. You've pressed\npause on your life and traveled far from home to connect, grow and\nrecharge your techie batteries. You are here to be inspired to\ninnovate and to uncover new opportunities for yourself or for your company.
\nConferences are about community and community is all about\nparticipation. If you are attending a conference strictly for the\nspeaker line up, you will likely have a better experience streaming\nthe conference from home. You'll definitely get a better seat. But, if you\nwant to fly home feeling like you just had the best three days of your\nlife, after a whirlwind of fascinating interactions with people you\nonce called strangers and now call friends, you have the conference\nspirit and it's time to supercharge your experience.
\nIn a past life, before my development career, I was a sales rep for a\nlarge tech company. Once or twice a year, the company's 700 or so\nsales and vendor reps from all over the country would converge on\nAustin for a three day Carnaval of hyper-charged networking events\nthat included extravagant parties, loud showboating at awards shows,\nloads of vendor swag, and lots and lots of people who lived life at\na completely different pace than I did.
\nI spent a good amount of time at these events hiding in the restroom,\nrecharging my introvert batteries so that I could put my extrovert\nmask back on. I'd then wade back into the crowd with a crazed smile painted\non my face, feeling both overstimulated and exhausted at the same\ntime. Sometimes I just stayed in my hotel room instead of going\nto the evening events.
\nIt was only after several of these conferences that I finally figured\nout where my limits were, what my goals for the conference were, and\nhow I could be empowered to avoid the things that exhausted me, so I could\nfocus on the parts that were incredibly fun, inspiring and\nrewarding. I learned that I needed to be much more intentional with my\ntime and energy.
\nWhat worked for me was the decision to be a participant, not just an\nobserver. When I was intentional about participating, I felt in\ncontrol and was able to keep my energy up and my interactions\npositive. Each positive interaction fed into the next, inoculating me\nagainst the occasional not so awesome interaction. I left those events\nfeeling like I was on top of the world. I learned there was a formula\nI could follow to dramatically enhance my experience and improve the\nopportunities I came away with after the conference.
\nI've followed this formula at tech meet-ups and conferences for\nthe past three years. It's required very little tweaking. What\nwas once a survival mechanism for me and has now evolved into an\nempowerment tool I use to forge strong connections with people who\nmight be my next client, hire or boss. It's required very little\ntweaking because it's based on something pretty constant -- sales. And\nsales is based on humans.
\nFace it, when you attend a conference, you are selling. This truth is\nscary for a lot of people in our industry. Sales sounds\nlike something reserved for the\npathologically extroverted among us. Luckily, it's a myth that you\nhave to be incredibly outgoing to be a successful salesperson. It may\nhelp you get started, but it is not how you close a deal. You can't\nget someone to buy something by tricking them or by intimidating\nthem into cracking open a checkbook. You've probably hung up on that\nsales person. They probably get hung up on a lot. And that's because\nsales is an exercise in investigation. It's the art of uncovering the\nintersection between someone else's needs and something you can\noffer. If you've ever had the opportunity to watch a skilled\nsalesperson work their magic, you may have discovered that they do\nsignificantly less talking than you might expect. Most of their words\nare likely leaving their mouth in the form of questions.
\nWhile you may not be pushing products at a conference, you are\npeddling memorable experiences and positive impressions. Impressions\nthat may lead to your next hire, your next client, or your next job\nopportunity. You're selling the idea that you are someone others would\nlike to work with. You're selling the idea that you would be great to\nsit next to all day and someone who would be fun to collaborate with.
\nIf this is not your first conference rodeo, you probably remember\nthat guy that seemed like he knew and was adored by everyone at\nthe conference. He was invited to do everything and was everywhere\nyou went. While it may be true that this person naturally has some\ngenetic defect that makes them fearless or has been sprinkled with\nsome kind of unicorn magic, it is far more likely that they have just\nfigured out the formula. It's a formula that will likely keep them\ngainfully employed for the rest of their working life, regardless of\ntheir objective level of technical skill, and it's surprisingly\nstraightforward.
\nThis sounds fluffy, and it is. I've distilled it down into a mantra\nthat I can repeat to myself when I walk into a big room filled with\nstrangers. It's just a rephrasing of exactly what sales is:\nUncover what someone else needs and figure out what you have to\nmeet that need. The implementation of this mantra is what I\ncall The Formula. Sometimes I use all of these tools and sometimes I\njust choose pieces for a specific setting. It took me a while to\nwork up to using the entire list. I recommend trying out\none or two that feel most comfortable at first and see how your\nexperience changes. Then, try a few more.
\nThe conference you are attending almost certainly has some social\nmedia channels associated with it. A couple days before a conference,\nstart to make your presence known on social media by sending a message\nabout how excited you are to be going to the conference. Thank the\norganizers or share helpful tips for getting to the venue or finding\nparking. Share a good place to eat that you discovered. Mention people\nyou are excited to meet up with. Establish yourself as a friendly and\nwelcoming person and people will be significantly more likely to reach\nout to you or be brave enough to walk up to you. Something that often\ngets overlooked is that your social media picture should be an\nactual recent picture of yourself. It's\nhow people find you in person or friend you after a positive\ninteraction.
\nCome up with a list of things you want to do or see while you're at\nthe conference. Pick out the talks you want to be sure to see, and\npick some times to break off into the \"Hallway Track.\" Some of the\nbest interactions you can have at a conference take place in the\nquieter lulls when most people are watching talks. The Hallway Track\noffers a smaller pool of people to converse with. Find several\nrestaurants, bars, after hours events, and recreation spots you'd like\nto visit. When people are huddled together after talks trying to\ndecide on a place to go, offer an assertive choice. You'll get to do\nwhat you wanted to do, and people will appreciate that they didn't\nhave to play the \"I don't know, what do you want to do\" game. It also\ngives you an easy way to invite the people you've had good\ninteractions with to share specialized experiences with you.
\nThis is an old sales trick. The Formula is about pushing past your\ncomfort zone. Being outside your comfort zone can be incredibly\nexhausting. It's actually incredibly difficult for most humans not to\ndwell on what people think of you. You are intentionally putting\nyourself in a vulnerable position. I've had a lot of success with\ncostumes. This doesn't mean you should parade about in a feather boa\nor a mask. It just has to be something that lets you be a little bit\nof someone else while you're trying to overcome being more of\nyourself. Sometimes, this is just a different hairstyle for me, or a new\npair of shoes, or wearing something that reminds me of someone I\nlove. It helps me get into my extrovert character, when my comfort\nzone would be to quietly sit in the back row.
\nSmall talk is the single hardest and most exhausting part of meeting\nnew people. The trick to making it through this uncomfortable part of\nan interaction is to power through it with questions. Remind yourself\nthat your goal is to figure out who this person is, what their goals\nare and what stands between them and achieving those goals. Your goal\nis not to impress them. You actually have very little control over\nthat part. What you do have control over is your level of engagement\nwith this new person. People are interested in people who are\ninterested in them. People like people who like them. Asking someone\nabout what's important to them is the best and fastest way to have a\npositive interaction. In a good interaction, that person will\nreciprocate and ask you about what's important to you.
\nNot everyone is going to be open to interacting with you, and that is\ntotally okay. Your goal is to give them the opportunity to engage with\nyou. If they don't reciprocate or you don't feel like it is going to\nbe a positive interaction, it is perfectly okay to move on to speaking\nwith someone else. Try not to take it personally. It's pretty\ndifficult to tease out why someone might not want to talk to you. The\nbest part about conferences is that there are a whole lot of\npeople. The next person you speak to is probably going to be open to a\nconversation.
\nThis is my favorite tool. It's easier for some than others, and that's\nokay. Give it a try and see how it goes. If you've been in a\nparticular industry for a while, it can be very tempting to spend most\nof your time at a conference with people you already know. You should\ndefinitely spend some time hanging out with the people you know and\nlike, but you should also be actively figuring out how to connect\nthose people with others you know -- or better yet, with nice people\nyou just met. Sit down at a table with people you don't know. Invite\nsomeone that is sitting alone to sit with you. Invite people to go do\nsomething fun via social media. The more people you connect, the more\nthose people will connect you with others. The best part is that if\nthose people were nice, it’s likely that the people they introduce you\nto will also be nice.
\nSatistically, any time you are at an event with a lot of people,\nsome minor subset of those people are not nice people. If someone\nengages you and you do not feel safe or they make you feel inferior\nor ashamed, quickly break that engagement and find someone else to\ntalk to. If you see someone else having a bad interaction, offer\nthem a safe escape and invite them to join you.
\nYou've just a couple of days to soak up as many opportunities and\nexperiences as possible. If you're lucky enough to be offered an\ninvitation and you don't have an incredibly compelling reason to turn\nit down (unmovable conflict, you feel unsafe or you do not trust the\nperson inviting you), say yes. It helps to think of this as a game. It\nwill encourage you to try something you might otherwise bow out\nof. I'm a little scared of hack sessions. I play the yes game and I\nmake myself go at conferences. It has always ended up being super\nfun. Bring a buddy if you are feeling timid! It's a perfect\nopportunity to be an includer. These invitations are almost always\nwhere the greatest opportunities are hiding.
\nRemind yourself that everyone you meet at a conference is being\nbrave. If someone is brave enough to come talk to you, engage them! If\nyou are lucky enough to get to talk to one of the speakers or\norganizers, thank them for the time and effort they poured into\nsharing something they care about with you. Publicly praising the\nbrave people you've talked to on social media is a great way to\nreinforce the confidence needed to take risks and be brave.
\nConferences are a whirlwind tour. Everyone you meet has met hundreds\nof people in a matter of days. If you uncovered an opportunity, don't\nwait to follow up. Before you go to sleep each night, queue up emails\nor social media touches to follow up with the people you met. Say\nthank you to the people that helped make your experience great. If\nsomeone offered you advice or encouraged you to try something new,\nreach back out to them to let them know you followed their advice and\nwhat the outcome was.
\nConferences are about community, and community is all about\nparticipation. Participation happens on a spectrum. If you are attending your\nfirst conference or you're just working up to making the jump from\nspectator to participant, assess your limits. Don't go gangbusters on\nyour first try. Pick a few strategies that sound like they might be in\nyour wheelhouse and make that your first step. If those work well for\nyou, try something you're a little more uncomfortable with. If all you\ncan manage is to be kind to the people that talk to you, you've done\nyour part to help build a positive community. If you can help one or\ntwo or twenty people have a wonderful conference experience, you'll\nwalk away with some fantastic new contacts, some inspiring new ideas,\nenhanced confidence and perhaps a solid professional opportunity or\ntwo.
\nI’m Lydia Guarino (@lydiaguarino on twitter), and I build UI for a living at The Frontside. If you enjoyed this, I’d love to hear from you.
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